The Year of Potty: 10 Ways "Going Naked" Made Me Cringe

Having two children 18 months apart, I have been counting down the seconds until I don't have two butts in diapers. Of course, with so much desperation on my behalf, this means my darling three year old son, Boone is in about as much of a rush as ...

Sorry, about that, just had to go scoop up a crap-filled diaper my daughter peeled off her filthy butt and chucked on the floor while running full steam into the patio door. 

Now, where was I... Oh, yes, my son has his own agenda. We have #1 down-pat. He's great at going pee by himself and knows how to angle his boy bits after a couple misfires up the walls/floor/sink/dog. But, poop? Oh, hell -to-the-no. The ONLY way he will go on the potty is if he is completely naked all day long. He will then race to the bathroom and go on the potty, which I am tirelessly grateful. However, having a naked child all around the house ALL the time creates for quite a few times I could not believe what I was saying. I have documenting some of my favorites below:

1. "DON'T put your finger in your butt!"

2. "Touching your wiener is for private! You will never want to remember doing that in front of your family!"

3. "Sissy! You don't touch any of that either!"

4. "Quit putting your bare butt against the window! We don't need a CPS visit!"

5. "Absolutely NO food goes in your butt crack!"

6. "Why is there a coin in your butt crack?! NO, it is not a pocket!"

7. "Get back in the house! We just moved here! The neighbors can't handle all this nudity!"

8. "Where did that quarter GO?!!!!!????"

9. "Please stop farting. I'm scared of what might happen."

10. "Naked time is not for Walmart!!!!"